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South African, Dr Sonnet Ehlers (pictured), has invented a little something to make dirty, filthy rapists the world over cross their legs (the girly way) in anguish... pictured left is the "Rape-aXe"... the culmination of forty years of Ehlers work.
The Rape-aXe is analogous to a female condom. A woman would insert this latex device in a similar manner to a tampon and then confidently walk the streets, smug in the knowledge that their va-jayjay is now the equivalent of a sexual predator's penile bear trap.
Ehlers was inspired with the idea for the Rape-aXe when she was on call one night forty years ago and tended to an emotionally shattered rape victim who confided in Ehlers with the comment "if only I had teeth down there".
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The right time for you, Mr Roger Boyes, is IMMEDIATELY:

(Click "read more" to share this article).
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Sometimes nothing else needs to be said.
(Other than click "read more" to retweet, share on Google Buzz or Facebook).
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PRODUCT WARNING: Cocoa mulch may harm your dog.
Cocoa mulch, derived from the cocoa bean, is a fine, sweet-smelling, garden mulch that, while brilliant for your yard, can potentially cause serious harm to your pet (especially dogs). It is sold in MOST garden supply stores and often will not feature warnings on its packaging.
Unsurprisingly, cocoa mulch smells like chocolate - which is enough to send the average pooch on a serious munch out. No matter how well trained your dog is, the minute your back is turned they will face the temptation of hooking into this stuff like they are a pothead on a midnight fridge raid.
The reason your beloved, furry, little shit machine cannot eat this mulch is the same reason they should NEVER be fed chocolate. Cocoa beans contain several stimulants, including caffeine and theobromine.
Dogs are extremely sensitive to these two chemicals and even a low dose can cause vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal bloating and pain. High doses can cause increased heart rate, muscle tremors, seizures and, the hardest thing of all to recover from, death.
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