The beginning:

It was around 2003 that the notion of "blogging" became hotter than a pubescent boy's loins in the presence of a skimpily clad Denise Milani. Naturally, as a purveyor of all things "hot", I had to get on board. Blogger was the tool of my trade and I picked out a suitably dark and grungy theme and set to work telling tales of my adventures as I sailed across the vast, lonely and hormonally driven seas of Alcohol, The Boob and Farts.

I would insert some joke right about here that given the fact the above sentence has now concluded, my site stats will tell me that 90% of you have stopped reading by now and are busily finding something WAY better to do with your time. But the reality is that pretty much everyone on the face of this planet loves alcohol, boobs and farts. They seem to be things that people can, regardless of their gender, really relate to. Is it going too far to class these as the three major food-groups of life?

dontfeedthemonkeys.com (or DFTM as my lazy arse is more likely to type) was born in 2004. The actual birthing was a brief credit-card transaction weighing in at 9 pounds, 95 ounces... or, as we like to say in the trade, ten bucks. It was the good 48 hours of labour preceding the birth of DFTM that was important. It is worth noting that this labour-intensive period was spent in the hunt for the most perfect of site names.... and DFTM was very, VERY almost called ElbowCabbage.com. To this day something about that domain name draws me in. I really, honestly, do not know what. But it's catchy right?

As the proud owner of a website that revolved around toilet-humour and sexual innuendo (two of my most proficient talents) I was quite surprised to discover that the fan-base for DFTM over the years was largely female, as evidenced by the existence of the melons. I was surprised because it is not unusual for a girl to roll her eyes when a boy farts... or to roll her eyes when a boy is staring at her chest... and so on. Given what I was blogging about I have no idea how anyone could read a bloody thing given all the "eye rolling" that must've been going on. You'd need to dose up on meclizine just to visit the site.

So what happened?

Honestly, life just happened. I removed, re-added, removed and re-added content and changed the site's design and direction over the years... and could never really find the time to keep the blog active and updated. Slowly and surely through inactivity and blatant site-direction changes, DFTM trundled away into nothing. I even received an email from some random stranger for the interwebs having a go at me for owning an awesome domain name and doing nothing with it! (Bless their classy taste). I laughed at first. But after awhile I figured, hey I should really stop trying to find a "niche" for DFTM and instead just blog about what it is that I wish to blog about.. whether that is an iPhone application, the latest track from a cool underground band, the playstation 3, my guitar, the epic fart I did in my colleague's work-space and/or simply just about how hypnotic and magnificent it is to watch a boob bounce...

And with that, the site is reborn!